The 10 Dead Trends That Never Made It

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Vapourwave. Source: Tumblr

 

Fashionably Late: 10 Dead Trends…in one graveyard

 

No. 1 SCENE

Here Lieth the Post-Emo Party Kids
RIP to the scene girl with the rainbow-coloured muppet hair à la
Taylor Momsen who listened to Broken Carolina on her Hello Kitty
earphones while taking duckface selfies. She died of alcohol poisoning
at the tender age of 16 when MTV cancelled “My Life as Liz”
and CYDE split.

No. 2 SPROUTCORE

Here Lieth the Adorable Chinese Plant-Wearer
Okay, so sproutcore was only briefly popular in China during 2015,
but its passing will be mourned nonetheless. This craze involved
young women wearing plastic plants (not just sprouts, but peppers
and ferns) on their heads, and gripped Chinese youths for an epic six
weeks – perhaps someone forgot to water it.

No. 3 SOFT GRUNGE

Here Lieth the Soft-Hued Tumblr Teen
Soft grunge (aka pastel goth) was admittedly never a big trend, and
no one’s even completely certain that it’s over. Primarily an online
fad, there were lots of permutations, so a precise definition is hard
to articulate. Mostly it was just teenagers dressing like Kurt Cobain
and re-blogging Kate Bush GIFs to seem edgy.

No. 4 SEAPUNK

Here Lieth the Hipster Hoodwinker
As another internet creation, Seapunk’s origin is uncertain. Was it an
ironic joke? No one knows, but some people bought into it anyway.
Staple looks included turquoise hair, neon wardrobes, and clothes
and jewellery featuring yin-yangs and ankhs. In short, it was like
New Age spiritualism for Gen Y’ers who lacked the guts to drop acid
and marry their Hacky Sacks.

 

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Witch House. Source: Tumblr

No. 5 WITCH HOUSE

Here Lieth the Crunk Creepster
Farewell to W‡†CH HAÚš? haunted house or drag, a sub-subgenre
that burned at the stake five years ago after miserably trying
to appropriate trap music into hipster sludge-metal. Typically, witch
house kids wore all black everything, had Myspace handles like like
†SATANIC F¤CK† and claimed to have seen Salem at SXSW in
2010 – by which point it was already over anyway.

No. 6 NORMCORE

Here Lieth the Most Basic
The boring-est of fads became an international news item when
K-Hole, the art-collective-cum-trend-forecasting-company released
“Youth Mode: A Report on Freedom”, in which they lionised being
‘basic’, blankness and conforming. Drink that Dunkin’ Donuts coffee,
they said, because it’s what a normie would do. Then it died of
boredom, and everyone went back to be an individual.

No. 7 VAPORWAVE

Here Lieth the 8-Bit Chillers
“Is Vaporwave the Next Seapunk?” asked Vice in a 2013 article that
simultaneously marked the movement’s cultural ascension as well
as its death from overexposure. For the unfamiliar, James Ferraro’s
2011 album “Far Side Virtual” was the apotheosis of the genre, and
sounded like someone had looped the Windows 95 start-up theme
onto a cassette. Extremely cool.

No. 8 STEAMPUNK

Here Lieth the Victorian Cybernetic Cowboy
There are a lot of steampunks out there who might take issue with
someone claiming that their community is washed up. They might
look down through their bronze goggles and grab you with their
mechanical arm before blasting you with their blunderbuss. Then
Amanda Palmer might play a punk cabaret industrial song. So maybe
steampunk isn’t dead, but perhaps it should be.

 

Chris-Cantino--Edit-
Health Goth. Image Courtesy of Chris Cantino

 

No. 9 HEALTH GOTH

Here Lieth the Sporty Posthumanists
Traced back to three artists from Portland who started a Facebook
community in 2013, the health goth trend was defined by cybernetic
aesthetics: black-and-white sports bras with Nike and Smart Water
logos; Japanese script; monochromatic contact lenses, and platform
shoes. For a while it was going strong, but the wheels fell off around
2014 when The New York Times claimed Jessie J as one of its chief
influences, and everyone realised they were right.

No. 10 SADGIRL

Here Lieth the Teary-Eyed Dissenters
There’s something comforting about wallowing in sadness. And then
there’s taking it to another level, where suicidal becomes chic, crying
faces are the emoji of choice, cigarettes are a necessity, and teardrops
are part of the make-up routine. Lana Del Rey’s song “Sad Girl” was
its anthem, and artist Audrey Wollen was its tragic queen. We’ll miss
you, Sad Girls Club – RIP :’(

 

 

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