1. There will be significantly less LOLs. “The British sense of humour is badly needed in Germany”, as photographer Christian Werner noted recently.
2. Shorter queues at the Bürgeramt. Longer queues at the immigration office and the riffle of pages as would-be Germans hastily cram for their citizenship tests and bemoan not advancing beyond B1 level German in their youth.
3. Berghain will be Brit-free. “It will be practically impossible for people from Britain to get into Berghain if they vote to leave the EU next month” bouncer Sven Marquardt told Wunderground Music.
4. Marmite, Cadbury, and Walkers crisps will disappear from German shelves, much to the dismay of Brits who have applied for emergency German citizenship.
5. Artisanal tea stores like Paper and Tea will go out of business, as will a slew of third wave coffee shops and half of the pubs in Neukölln.
6. Kita spots in Prenzlauer Berg will magically open up and Chinese will replace English as the foreign language of choice for pushy parents.
7. Friedrichshain will no longer be a vomit slick after 10pm on a Friday night.
8. The work force will deplete. ‘I’ll have no staff!’ says SLEEK CEO and Publisher Christian Bracht.
9. Your Tinder matches will reduce drastically. But your WG choices will magically expand.
10. And finally, you will be able to get a seat around the pool at Soho House.
Joking aside, of course all of us at SLEEK are voting in. But as John Donne said ‘No man is an island, and no country by itself’. Good luck with your vote today.
The Sleek Team X