It’s 08:08 am. You wake up from the sound of the alarm clock you wanted to change forever, but always found an excuse not to. And still, it’s a weirdly comforting feeling, a familiar way of starting the day. As if you know what’s about to happen, and yet you don’t know at all.
Instead of hitting snooze, you decide to watch the clouds pass by from your bed. The white formations slowly merge into hazy shapes of animals – an absurd zoo of pure imagination. Your six-year-old self would be proud of you. Just before the waving seal turns into a polar bear, you scuff to the bathroom to get ready for the day. Your sleepy eyes look back at you in the mirror before lingering on a handwritten note glued to it.
Every little thing adds up.
Love is in the details. It blooms in the brain before making its way through every inch of the body, filling it with pure excitement and equal comfort. As if you know someone forever and still explore their mind through mutual affection. Love makes you implode. A supernova of emotions.
Before you leave the flat, double-check if you didn’t forget anything: keys, wallet, phone, AirPods, mask, notebook, pen. Remembering things sometimes feels more difficult than remembering names. According to scientists, our brain can remember up to 10,000 faces over the course of a lifetime. Some seem unknown, others are hidden in random objects, and yet others are greeting you on the way to work. Weary smiles versus honest eyes. Choose your fighter.
On your way to the tram station, you come across graffiti next to your building. A heart-shaped trail that reminds you of Banksy’s Love Plane (2011). Statistics show that one in every 50 travellers has met their soulmate onboard a plane. Love is literally on every corner.
If you could catch any flight right now, where would you go?
What song would you loop above the clouds?
While thinking about faraway places and imaginary faces, you missed the tram. A small yellow dot slowly disappears in the rain. At least, you can watch people while waiting. Everyone’s holding onto their umbrellas, except the couple right next to you holding onto each other. Their hands come intertwined, looking like the perfect shot from @subwayhands, a platform dedicated to the beauty of hands on the New York subway.
The Big Apple wouldn’t be a bad destination.
A window seat and William Basinski’s Disintegration Loops (2002) on repeat.
After zoning out for a minute, a small yellow dot reappears in the rain. When the doors finally open, a crowd of big puffer jackets impatiently huddle towards. Although you didn’t take part in the first-come-first-served madness, it’s your lucky day: there is a free seat to slump into as if it’s your beloved couch waiting for you all day.
A group of teenagers sitting next to you is fighting over who gets the best view. As their giggling conversations echo through the tram, the fogged-up windows become their canvas. Smiley faces, penises and hearts with initials of their crushes. Sharing side-splitting secrets with their new audience. You can’t help but join the laughter and think about the concept of firsts.
First date, first kiss, first love, first heartbreak.
When was the last time you did something for the first time?
While your mind keeps wandering, you notice a young woman to your left playing with a small silver coin in the palm of her hand. She’s on the phone with someone who keeps asking her the same question. At least, that’s what it sounds like, judging by her haphazard reactions. Something about dinner plans and an empty fridge. “Let’s flip a coin,” she says to the person on the other line. She tries to make the shiny round object turn in the air, unsuccessfully. It takes her three attempts until she’s happy with the result, not telling anyone about the previous ones. She’s smirking when she looks in your direction. You became a confidant of her white lie. A bond in silence only you two know about.
Your daily commute becomes an art house observation. Making up stories about strangers playing the lead. Witnessing the randomness turning into something bigger makes your heart squeeze in on itself. Love is literally on every corner. It’s in the small things. On some days, they seem invisible, on others, you can see them clearly – even through fogged-up glass.
For the first time, you actually feel that love is not the end goal.
It’s not a destination to arrive at, but along the way.
It’s 11:11 am.
Your stop is next. While waiting for the doors to open, you take a look over your shoulder. The kids are still laughing about their artworks, the couple is still holding hands, the woman is still playing with the silver coin. You leave the tram making a wish you wanted to put out in the world forever but always found an excuse not to.
Words by Juule Kay, as featured in SLEEK 72 – LOVE. Available in print and digital here.
Juule is a writer, editor and creative producer based in Berlin. Working for publications such as i-D, DAZED, The Face and Vogue Germany, she’s interested in spotlighting new talents and everything beyond the mainstream. If she’s not hunched over her laptop, you’ll find her dropping fun facts in small talk conversations and writing love letters to everyday life.