It’s the season of Big Witch Energy

As October creeps in, and we finally say goodbye to hot-girl-summer, our attention is quickly turning to the internet’s latest and greatest hashtag: Big Witch Energy. Born on Twitter, Big Witch Energy (BWE) is Big Dick Energy’s transcendental counterpart, a term gleefully bestowed upon women who exude a spell-binding quality.

Trying to define BWE is tricky, however, as the women it seeks to bracket thrive on being ever so slightly unknowable and aloof. In simple terms, BWE is an other-worldly quality that goes hand-in-hand with a potent spirit of sisterhood. It denotes a calm sense of self-assuredness, but also the palpable feeling that the woman in question could cast a spell on you and/or damn you for eternity. If BWE started with Joan of Arc, it has culminated in Billie Eilish. These women are as weird and unnerving as they are fearless and good-hearted. They also might be able to communicate with owls.

Before I rattle off some of my favourite BWE figures, it might be helpful to give a controlled example of the science behind determining who has BWE and who does not. Consider the three actresses who have each played TV’s favourite witch, Sabrina Spellman. First, we have Melissa Joan Hart (Sabrina The Teenage Witch) in the 1990s TV show based off of the Archie comic. As a performance, Melissa’s take on Sabrina was memorable , but as a human, Melissa, I am sad to report, only has a few delicate strands of BWE in her. Maybe she was overshadowed by her Sabrina legacy or maybe it was that she competed on Dancing With The Stars, either way her BWE has wavered. Then there is Ashley Tisdale (Sabrina: Secrets Of A Teenage Witch) who has zero BWE because she still wears hair-ribbons aged 34. And finally, Kiernan Shipka (Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina), who, despite bastardising Sabrina’s legacy with a misjudged Netflix remake, was once spotted by TMZ “talking to herself whilst doing cartwheels” in Santa Monica, and is therefore overflowing with  BWE. 

Science established, here’s my official guide to Big Witch Energy—who has it and why:

Helena Bonham Carter

Has Helena Bonahm Carter ever actually played a character that wasn’t a witch? Her onscreen performances categorically exude BWE. HBC could play someone as cookie-cutter as Florence Nightingale in a biopic and I would leave the cinema thinking “God, that’s weird that I never knew Florence Nightingale was a witch.” It is a combination of her hair, the fact that she looks about four-foot-two, and her propensity for corsets, that all lead me to believe Helena Bonham Carter is a natural cinematic witch. She was also born into British aristocracy which helps her case. (NB: Helena’s ex-marriage to resident Hollywood kook Tim Burton equals five bonus BWE points. That they lived in two separate houses conjoined by weird tunnels equals five-hundred bonus BWE points.)

Lana Del Rey

Lana Del Rey once asked her twitter followers to hex Trump. Questioned about the alleged curse by NME, Del Rey shrugged, “Yeah, I did it. Why not? Look, I do a lot of shit.” The hex itself is witchy, but the subsequent nonchalance is even more so. A core quality of BWE is that its possessors are crucially casual regarding their powers. Yeah, I put a hex on the president. Do you have any more stupid questions?

Virginia Woolf

Virginia Woolf epitomised BWE. Wearing your straggly hair in a low bun? BWE. Complicated marriage? I take thee, BWE. Writing about a generational sentiment of disillusionment? I suppose that’s BWE, not that we can really be certain of anything. Feeling a constant sense of fatigue and disappointment with the men who surround you? Eurgh, BWE. Pioneering stream of consciousness as a narrative form? I gaze outside the window and absent mindedly murmur, to no one in particular, “BWE”. 

Zoë Kravitz and Lisa Bonet

Other than their general BWE aesthetic (see: untamed hair, snake tattoos), Lisa Bonet and Zoë Kravitz are both witches largely for the fact that no mother and daughter duo should look so eerily similar. Yes, they are related, but the women— “allegedly” 21 years apart in age—look alike in a way that even identical twins do not. This leads me to believe that Lisa Bonet has magical time travelling abilities, and is actually Zoë Kravitz. Or, Zoë Kravitz has magical time travelling abilities, and is actually Lisa Bonet. Either way, they are both the same person, and there is only one thing behind this: witchery.

Kris Jenner

You could tell me that Kris Jenner was actually immortal and had been alive for over 400 years and I wouldn’t even so much as blink in surprise. She strikes me as being not entirely from this world and is, therefore, suspect. You might think it’s a result of her unending plastic surgery habit, but no, this is just her pure, unadulterated, Big Witch Energy. She is also single-handedly the greatest matriarch of the 21st century which screams sorcery. They may as well rebrand Keeping Up With The Kardashians as Keeping Up With The Coven. (Sadly, I don’t actually think KJ has passed down any of this potent BWE to her offspring, but I get a sense that it might have skipped a generation and gone straight to North West. TBC.)

Baroness Hale

As the UK supreme court judge, Baroness Hale, triumphantly declared Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s decision to prorogue parliament unlawful, all anyone could talk about was her brooch: a silvery, spindly, spider, glittering sternly by her left shoulder. What did the brooch mean, laymen wondered. Was it a coded jibe at Johnson? A subtle dig at his web of lies? NO! It was quite evidently a pledge of allegiance to her coven of BWE sisters. Confirmed by The New York Times, no less, the arachnid accessory “suggested female power — call it “Big Witch Energy.” Hale is, in my opinion, our current and greatest figurehead for BWE, in that she embodies all of its best qualities. Seemingly unassuming, but ultimately omnipotent. A witch-hunt is brewing, only this time it will be led by the witches. (Other political witches include US democratic representative Alexandria Ocasia Cortes, who was recently accused by a conservative Christian group as governing “a coven of witches that cast spells on President Trump 24 hours a day, seven days a week.” Most likely to be fake news, but I sincerely hope it’s not.)