Photography ©UWE HAUTH
Salomé Balthus (AKA Hanna Lakomy) is an author, sex worker and a very sharp mind. A conversation with her offers plenty of opportunity to bring new perspectives to your own. For this issue, SLEEK publisher, Christian Bracht, invited her to talk about power, instinct, fantasy and sex.
SLEEK: Thank you for taking up our invitation. You studied philosophy …
Salomé Balthus: Absolutely.
S: How would you explain the power our mind has over our instincts?
SB: We don’t actually always have power over our minds: It’s more that there’s an interaction going on. And I think it’s very different between men and women. In my experience male desire, which literally overpowers us, is different from female desire. I can’t imagine starting to stutter or drool, for instance. There’s an urgency to male desire that you just don’t find with women. It’s easy to see when we’re driven by instincts: it’s basically whenever we need to react quickly, when we don’t have time or feel stressed or irritable. But there’s also a very rational instinct that’s not physical at all. As an emancipated woman, I have the privilege of being able to sit back and observe things as though they didn’t affect me. I can adopt the perspective of a woman who’s not observing her body, but is in a club lounge with the men and is observing with them, together. I’m also privileged never to have been the victim of an ‘instinct’ before.
S: And what about from a work perspective?
SB: In my job, an understanding of instincts is one of the basics. I like to divide people into two types: instinct-driven and perverts. Perverts need it all happening in their head at some point and can go for years without having sex. It’s a different type of instinct. A mental one. But why are we talking about instincts when it’s actually all about power?
S: I was just trying to develop a feeling for who you are …
SB: I see….
S: Why do we find it so difficult to deal with our desires, fantasies and instincts?
SB: You know, I come from a strange corner of the world. I think a lot of people are scared to let themselves go in case they get punished for it. They’re scared they won’t be able to undo what they’ve done. So it’s about the need for security, which has a lot to do with Protestantism and the deep-seated idea that pleasure is somehow forbidden.
S: So the overarching theme is morality?
SB: Well, the churches are all very much in agreement as to what constitutes adultery and sexuality according to their idea of morality. But you really do wonder why it’s about sexuality, of all things. Morality concerns so many different things. Questions around the possession of property or the killing of animals have all been resolved and are nowhere near as much an intrusion on a person’s feelings of shame. But sexuality and nakedness are huge in comparison, and there’s so much shame around them. Physicality is just something people can get caught up in. A life of hedonism just isn’t compatible with the kind of productivity modern society demands. There are two clear groups: the sensual types and the others, who work [laughs]!
S: You once said you get a kick out of ‘the moment’ in your work. Isn’t the perception of ‘the moment’ also a kind of power?
SB: A moment is the shortest time. When it’s coming, it’s not yet there. And as soon as it’s there, it’s gone again. Surrendering to the moment doesn’t actually have that much to do with power at all. It’s a form of self-control, you could say, the ability to shed all your fears and just lose yourself, to just say to yourself, “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine,” and then just let it happen. Maybe the secret of power is not to cling to it. Maybe true power is power that does not possess an awareness of its own existence; [a power] that doesn’t constantly need reaffirming and defending.
S: That’s a great thought.
SB: It is, for a man like you [laughs].
S: Can you give us a definition of lust?
SB: More. More, more, more. You want more, and yet at the same time, you want things to stay exactly as they are. It’s a total contradiction.
S: If you could, how would you set your fantasies and needs free?
SB: Not all of them should be set free, actually. Some should stay firmly under lock and key – for very good reasons. People say there’s nothing worse than a wish that has been fulfilled. I find that very meaningful and would include our erotic fantasies in that. I would draw a clear distinction between fantasies you can realise without any problem and fantasies you could realise, theoretically, but that are in actual fact better than reality. And then there are fantasies that we know full well that we wouldn’t really ever want them to come true. Some things are only justifiable as fantasies. But fantasies are, by their very nature, completely free, so there’s no need to release them. I think it’s quite good for us Germans, especially, not to let all our fantasies run wild.
S: What role does power play in sex?
SB: An important one. Sex itself is a kind of interplay, but at some point, there is always one partner who takes the dominant role. To me, there’s nothing more ridiculous than making sure everyone has equal rights during sex. If both people try to be as selfish as they can, one will give in slightly more, then the other will give in, and that, to me, is good sex. And by that I don’t mean any violent acts as defined by the penal code. Sex is an instinct that’s driven by desire.
S: Do social or political power relations affect our sex?
SB: Of course they do. Basically, you could say that the more a person is repressed, the stronger their urges become. So the question is: should we strive for a slightly less liberated society because it would make us all a bit hornier? Or should we aim for a more liberal society and then accept that nothing really matters because we can always get what we want anyway? Luckily, I’m not the one who has to decide these things. I just respond to the way things are.
As featured in SLEEK 71 – Power.