Concluding our series on International Masturbation Awareness Month, we are also honoring May as Mental Health Awareness month. And so, we went looking for someone who could put, you’ll forgive us the pun, 2 and 2 together. The sex therapist – let’s call her Susan – as she has asked to remain unnamed, had some great advice – perhaps for all of us! Susan works with couples and singles to accomplish the ephemeral and yet eternal quest for a fulfilling sex life.
People who experience a wide sexual spectrum are usually satisfied but those who don’t, are not necessarily unhappy.
SLEEK: Is a masturbation-induced climax more satisfying than one reached through intercourse or in a different way.
SUSAN: Satisfaction is a wildly individual experience and every human being describes it differently. Sexual satisfaction can be exclusively physical or emotional or both at the same time. The simultaneous experience of physical and emotional satisfaction is often described and experienced as the deepest and most connective sexual experience with a partner or by yourself.Everything is about sexual learning and training. The things we learn at a young age will often establish a body’s pattern for the future.The majority of women first practice with stimulation of the clitoral and vulva stimulation.
People with a wide spectrum of trained physical sensations are able to experience deeper orgasms than those with less physical “tools“. For some people a fast, physical discharge is satisfying enough because they’re not looking for something (emotionally) serious. Others remain feeling incomplete and don’t feel the balance their bodies and minds are searching for. Women for example, experience clitoral, G-Spot, A-Spot (Anterior Fornix), nipple- orgasms or anal penetration-induced orgasms. Not every woman learns to use the wide spectrum of her body’s resources though, as a lot depends on herself and the partner.
SLEEK: If a person is not able to climax, does it affect a healthy relationship and the mental health of both partners?
SUSAN: There are singles and couples who would answer both yes and no.
First of all, you would have to feel like something was missing before you would consider it a problem. There are also partners whose concept of sexual behavior is very strictly defined and they feel great about that. In any case, who says you have to reach orgasm every time to have a happy sex life? People who experience a wide sexual spectrum are usually satisfied but those who don’t, are not necessarily unhappy. Since we are hardwired for connection, physical, sexual satisfaction accompanied by emotions is what truly leads to fulfillment.
SLEEK: Do people end relationships because they are sexually unsatisfied? If yes, does it happen often?
SUSAN: Yes. Couples break up frequently if one partner develops sexual desires and needs, which aren’t being met within their relationship. Cheating is a common warning sign. The emotional trauma and lack of trust often lead to the breakup. However, couples can work on avoiding that. Communication is key. If both parties are able to communicate their emotional and sexual needs they can find a balance and decide together whether or not to commit to certain sexual desires.
SLEEK: Do people suffer physically and mentally if they haven’t experienced orgasm in a long time and what are the symptoms?
SUSAN: Again, every person is a different „eco-system” in a way, with unique physical and emotional landscapes shaped by unique mental and physical life experience.
Women who learned to experience strong and deep orgasms by penetration for example would remain unsatisfied without a partner who can take care of their sexual satisfaction. Others who have never “driven at full speed” on a highway with 200 miles per hour will not miss that feeling. They will enjoy a slow and cozy bike ride by themselves down a winding road.
Now that sounds like a journey and we’re definitely onboard.
By Teres Köhler for SLEEK