Gallery Openings
People say that since Covid, no one goes out partying anymore – instead they stay in, stream films, and order food. That’s not entirely true. Sure, they may go clubbing less. Clubs have gotten so expensive, you have to stay at least twelve hours to get your money’s worth. And then there are the, let’s say, “incidental costs.”
But people still love to go to exhibition openings – maybe even more than before. It’s easy. You can just show up. No commitment, no entrance fee, no dress code, no stress. Then you find yourself standing in some whitewashed, brightly lit gallery space with a glass of mediocre white wine or a beer in hand (we’re social drinkers – we drink anything), scanning the room to see if there’s someone you know to chat with. And maybe you even meet someone new.
There’s a guy over there who looks super cool – is that Alex Duve? The gallerist? Maybe he’ll take my photo series K-Hole – One Hole More into his programme. When you’re in a hole, stop digging, right? I subtly edge closer – oh no, not him after all.
Yes, There Are Also Paintings
At openings like these, some seem to forget that there are also paintings on the wall. Abstract compositions – honestly, you’ve seen them a thousand times. It’s a mystery why this still gets painted, I think. These particular works once again offered everything already seen before.
"And you still hope that, if there were a coat check, something a little more appealing might be revealed underneath."
A Sea of Crumpled Black and Grey
It’s a bit of a shame that galleries usually don’t have coat checks. So people stand there not only with a glass of mediocre white wine, but also with their grey and black winter coats. You look out over a sea of technical jackets in black and grey. And you still hope that, if there were a coat check, something a little more appealing might be revealed underneath.
But this hope is sadly dashed in spring and summer too. You immediately think of Fifty Shades of Grey – only with much less eroticism. But that’s the style. It’s serious, allegedly a result of empty wallets. Though really, you could put together something fun and original from the Mauerpark flea market for next to nothing. The men in particular don’t bother. Apparently, they don’t have to. Still, the KitKatClub recently issued a new guideline: don’t just come naked, in leather, or underwear – try wearing something colourful. There’s still hope.
Bubbles
But people don’t want to stand out. They want to blend in – into the uniform black-grey cultural scene. Intellectual bubble, political bubble, aesthetic bubble, drinking bubbles – we’re among our own kind. Fair enough.
"And of course, take a few photos for Instagram. It was so much fun again."
Interesting Position
There’s rarely a buffet. Maybe some pretzel sticks. But no one’s buying anything anyway. Still, one act of basic decency wouldn’t hurt: The Artist Is Present. You should at least walk over and say a few encouraging words about the work. Maybe give her a light, appreciative nod, stare intently at a painting (“interesting position!”), then drift back into small talk with your bottle of beer or that glass of average white wine.
Small talk is an art you don’t need to master. Your opening line should be moderately original – but don’t go too far. No complicated intellectual theories – you’ll only scare people off. And of course, take a few photos for Instagram. It was so much fun again.
Selfies! The frozen smiles in those group selfies give me chills. And once again, we’ve successfully killed an evening. Connected with three new people you’ll never see again. Maybe grab a kebab on the corner on your way home. The opening was okay. Because apparently: Fine art is a wonderful way to kill time – including the round trip on public transport.