Women In Male Fields: Why Are All Men the Same?

‘Came after 30 seconds, gave him a kiss on the forehead and asked if he liked it’,
#womaninmalefields

Does this sound familiar to anyone? The TikTok trend ‘Women in Male Fields’ has become a viral phenomenon that ironically highlights a deep-rooted problem in our society: inequality and double standards in heterosexual relationships. 

Alongside songs such as Nicki Minaj’s ‘Anaconda’, women share anecdotes and experiences from relationships in which they have experienced toxic behaviour from men. The short clips, some with more than a million likes, twist it round by humorously asking what it would be like if women behaved in the same way. The answers are often painfully honest and at the same time laugh-out-loud absurd – and that is precisely what makes this trend so successful.

‘He was crying in bed so I said ‘here we go again’ and turned around and fell asleep‘

‘When he’s the one asking ‘what are we’ and I’m the one asking why we have to put a label on it’. 

Many women, who often feel that they in fact are alone in their experiences, recognise themselves in these stories and realise that they are not the only ones who have gone through such scenarios. The comments under the clips are full of solidarity: ‘ARE WE ALL DATING THE SAME MEN?’ – and this triggers a debate among many. Unfortunately, the ironic portrayals illustrate how normalised and widespread these patterns of behaviour are and that they are only made visible through trends like this.

Like every trend that targets gender dynamics, the reaction to the #womaninmalefields trend was of course ‘Not all men!’. 

But this kind of defence completely misses the point – what a surprise. When women generalise statements such as ‘all men are the same’, they are not criticising every single man as an individual, they are focusing on a patriarchal system that privileges men and enables certain patterns of behaviour and disadvantages women. This criticism is therefore not meant personally, but rather structurally. 

Our society teaches women from an early age to protect themselves from men. From ‘Don’t walk home alone at night’ to ‘Don’t wear revealing clothes’, ‘Keep a pepper spray in your bag’ and ‘Don’t leave your drink unattended’ – women grow up with invisible norms that constantly remind them that their safety cannot be taken for granted. 

This not only generates constant awareness, but also frustration and anger – the perfect fundament for the #womaninmalefields trend. However, the success of the trend largely lies in its humorous approach. Black humour as a strategy to make difficult topics more accessible is nothing new, but it almost always works.
Chloe Laws, the founder of the FGRLS CLUB, which fights for women’s rights, puts it in a nutshell: ‘Hopping on this trend because sometimes it’s necessary to laugh at the misogyny I experience online on a daily basis.’

On the other hand, others, both women and men, criticise the fact that the trend identifies symptoms but doesn’t significantly contribute to solving the problem. But perhaps this is exactly the point. It’s not about presenting a solution on a silver plate, but about initiating a discussion, raising awareness and promoting solidarity among women.

‘This #womaninmalefields trend is definitely the most annoying one I’ve seen in a very long time’ – Well, it was only a matter of time before such comments appeared from the male faction. 

There are some men who have publicly admitted on Tiktok that they fully agree with the women’s statements and recognise their behaviour, but overall the trend has created a counter-movement: ‘Men in Female Fields’. It’s basically the same game, only this time men are sharing their experiences of toxic behaviour in relationships with women.
Of course, toxic behaviour is not limited to one gender, but ‘Men in Female Fields’ often focuses on individual experiences, while ‘Women in Male Fields’ addresses a structural issue. It is therefore important to maintain this distinction so that it does not come down to a ‘who has it harder?’ – debate.

It’s not all men who actively and deliberately exploit their privileged role in society, or even oppress women, but far too many look the other way. They remain friends with perpetrators, make jokes about sexualised violence, tolerate catcalling or evade responsibility. Instead of listening, they say, “I don’t do this, I’m not like the others.” A reaction that only highlights the problem.

Defending or distancing, as long as no action is taken, misses the point with “not all men.” Men shouldn’t have to stress emphasize this – they show it by naming violence, taking responsibility and actively supporting women.

However, through silence, passivity and ego reflexes, the patriarchal system lives on and does not end in our relationships. It is anchored in the highest positions of power in the world. A perfect example: Donald Trump, who is almost a symbol of ignoring grievances and shirking responsibility.

So as long as “not all men” remains the answer to criticism, these structures won’t break. The root of the problem isn’t just tied to heteronormative relationships; it also lies in men challenging societal systems and redistributing power, spanning issues from casual relationships to those in the White House. In the end, the #womaninmalefields trend is a small but not insignificant step towards raising awareness that extends beyond TikTok’s borders.