Queer Life and Love In Berlin

Berlin may not be called the “city of love” but the metropolis is better known for its culture of freedom, and how its residents promote acceptance and respect for people of all genders and sexualities. In the early 1900s, Berlin was at the heart of queer culture in Europe, providing spaces and events for gay and trans people even while it was taboo. Today, LGBTQIA+ life is even more embedded in the city’s culture: from FLINTA bookstores to queer film festivals to the annual Rave the Planet parade.

This spring, SLEEK teamed up with Hinge to interview ten queer people living in Berlin, to hear about their experiences with relationships, community, and personal identity. Hinge, the dating app designed to be deleted, has supported the queer dating scene through its ongoing commitment to creating a more inclusive app  that better serves the needs of LGBTQIA+ daters.

We asked the featured individuals to respond to examples of Hinge prompts that were made specifically for LGBTQIA+ daters, ranging from personal anecdotes to individual needs in queer love. The prompts are meant as conversational icebreakers that allow LGBTQIA+ daters to express themselves better and connect based on shared experiences. From newcomers in the city still looking for a relationship to a newlywed couple that met on Hinge, our interviewees have shared their stories about finding their identities and celebrating queerness through genuine and intimate connections with others.

Alice and Majo met on Hinge and are now living together in Berlin. They both have family from Bolivia and speak Spanish together at home, but Majo is learning French, Alice’s mothertongue.

SLEEK: What drew you to each other’s Hinge profiles?

Alice: I think Majo answered first the prompt, “What does a perfect Sunday look like”. I had said something like walking in the city, maybe going to a Flohmarkt, or enjoying a walk in the park. Some good records and ice cold sparkling water. 

Majo: Those were my pleasures. When I saw that, I realised Alice was a chill person, and I’m also a chill person. We like to, it’s not that we don’t like to do anything, but we like to enjoy the sun, the day. More relaxing stuff that in Berlin is not so common. 

A: Yeah, we enjoy simple pleasures.

A: I think we bonded over the fact that we both liked the same things. And then we went for a first date here close by at Maybachufer.

M: It was nice, and Alice was mega cute, but actually we were not expecting to meet again. On the second date is when we found that we were a good match.

S: What were some green flags you saw during the first dates?

A: Speaking, being able to exchange in Spanish was definitely something that allowed us to bond. Majo being from Bolivia and my mom being Peruvian, made it an instant connection.

M: And Alice had family in Bolivia. It was super random to meet someone from there in Berlin. It was super familiar.

A:  Familiar. Yeah. It felt good, and I think that’s what has drawn us to each other and the reason why we decided to meet for another date. That’s when it clicked, and we’ve been together since then.

M: Yeah, literally since then.

S: Did you delete Hinge together?

M: I deleted the app on the second date because I was already in love with Alice, literally, and I knew I found the person I wanted. At the beginning, I was like, okay, this person is for my summer. But of course, now, it’s not just the summer love. 

A: And I didn’t delete Hinge. I completely forgot about it. We spoke about it a few weeks later, though, and you were very shocked that I hadn’t deleted it myself. I did so right after that conversation. 

M: But I remember you told me, like, you want to meet more people. I was like, okay, fine, but then we realised our relationship was more serious in a way, and right now there’s no necessity. 

A: No, we didn’t look back since. 

Music management student Mixo shares about his interest in fashion as an expression of his queer identity.

MIXO: At the beginning of discovering my sexual identity, oftentimes I felt like I wasn’t “queer enough”. Through becoming comfortable with who I am, I realise everyday that my queerness allows me to express my duality as someone who identifies as pansexual. I am allowed to express myself in the way I see fit, which often changes day to day. My gender is as fluid as my sexuality and I love how it’s non-conforming. I really find strength in knowing one day I can look like a slay queen that just walked Berlin fashion week and the next day look like a raggedy skater boy. I love that because it allows me to not box myself into this idea that I have to pick one or the other. Where in reality gender and gender attraction are just as fluid as emotions. And no one can dictate how you feel, just as much as they can’t dictate how you choose to dress according to how you feel.

SLEEK: How do you pick the photos for your Hinge profile?

M: When I pick my photos, I want people to see the many different layers of myself. Sometimes it’ll be a really good outfit, and other times when I pick the photo it’ll be a super lazy fit. 

S: How have dating apps helped you to meet people?  

M: Obviously when you move to Berlin, you need to find a way to meet new people. I think that Hinge is a perfect place to do that, because you’re given the opportunity to connect with people on so many different levels.

S: How would you style a first date outfit?

M: I feel like styling a first date outfit, you obviously have to pull out all the stops, there’s no way that you can’t. I also do believe in comfortability, because if a person isn’t ready to see you in sweatpants, then they shouldn’t be ready to see you in high heels either. It honestly depends on the person and the location, but definitely always try looking your best, for yourself most importantly. 

S: What qualities are important for you in a partner?

M: I feel like once you start meeting somebody, you take on their energies: the fashion they bring, the music that they listen to. You really get to immerse yourself and become more comfortable when the people around you also understand that you’re somebody that wants to express yourself in multiple different modes of fashion or music and stuff like that.

Lu and Taja met on Hinge and are now married and living together.

SLEEK: How do you use photography to explore queerness?

Lu: I started taking photos and exploring my queerness at the same time, so naturally my work evolved around an exploration of desire. I love creating imagery that is queer, even if that is just a hint or suggestion. 

S: Did you use your own photography in your Hinge photos?

L: I don’t think I had any photos that I had taken myself, but I am sure my aesthetic peeped through.

SLEEK: How do you feel affirmed by your partner?

Taja: I feel affirmed when my partner is curious about my experiences, and leans into my fluidity (which is always). 

S: Do you have any advice on navigating marriage in a queer relationship?

LU & TAJA: We think being divorced is a hot evolution, which really takes the pressure off being married.

Prioritise each person feeling good individually, and the relationship will always be better for it. We make sure to have regular check-ins where we can share how we are feeling in a safe and supportive space. 

S: How did you present yourself on Hinge at first – how did you choose the photos and the prompts that you felt would be best fit?

L & T: It was such a long time ago, but we both chose photos that we felt confident in, and not so serious. We chose prompts that reflected who we are as people, and were a little silly. 

S: What attracted you to the other’s profile?

L & T: Ahh… we both thought each other was hot. We could see that we would be a match in real life. 

S: How did your first dates go, and when did you realise that it was going to be a serious relationship?

L & T: Our first few dates were sweet and soft, a little ratchet and very lesbian. We were both not looking for anything serious, but quickly realised after a few dates that this was something special. 

S: Did you delete Hinge together?

L & T: We deleted the app together, and also redownloaded and continue to use it together.